Udina's Bad Day
by Sarah1281
Summary: Udina reflects on Shepard's disastrous first day as a Spectre and ultimately decides that, for the good of the galaxy, Shepard must be stopped. That man is a regular PR NIGHTMARE...


Udina's Bad Day

Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect.

Note: I took some liberties with the timeline, but oh well.

"_I promise I'll try not to make your job any harder for you."_

Oh, sure. Shepard had **said** that he wasn't going to start any trouble, but Donnel Udina had spent far too many years in politics to believe him. Shepard may not have even been intending to cause any problems, but he _was_ rather close to David Anderson and no doubt his rule-breaking career-ending tendencies had rubbed off on him in their time together.

Shepard's close friendship with Anderson had convinced Udina from the start that Shepard would be a headache despite his potential to become the first human Spectre. Three hours after the Council told the ambassador that they would need some actual evidence that Saren was out of control – which was what Udina had suggested in the first place, but did anyone ever listen to him? – he had received word that Shepard had been involved with a firefight at Chora's Den, a popular nightclub. Hell, the public was half-convinced Shepard had started it. Still, it had brought them the proof Udina needed to take before the Council, expose Saren, and get Shepard into the Spectre ranks.

Udina fully understood what a great honor this was for Shepard personally and how much this meant to Earth as a whole. He could even sympathize with Shepard's desire to go out and celebrate that after everything he'd been through, finally SOMETHING had gone right.

On the other hand, Udina thought that perhaps getting caught with the Asari Consort – who was widely regarded as a high-profile whore by humanity at large – just an hour and a half after becoming a Spectre was a bit much. While using the Consort's …services… were perfectly legal on the Citadel and Shepard would be free to do so anyway as a Spectre answerable only to the Council (who surely had more important things to deal with than regulating Spectre sex), the public never handled one of their public officials getting caught having sex on tape well. Not that Khalisah Al-Jilani, the reporter who 'just happened' to be on the scene taking pictures cared that this hurt morale so soon after the attack on Eden Prime. She was just interested in a story.

According to Anderson, most officials, human or otherwise, visited the Consort at some point or another and most slept with her. He didn't think that it was Shepard's fault that he happened to be the one in a thousand that got caught doing it. Udina grudgingly conceded he had a point, but that still didn't make his job any easier. Humanity had just barely come to accept homosexual relationships and now they were being asked to accept different species dating? That might take awhile and people like the Consort were always being used to reasons why humans should stick to being with humans.

Two hours after becoming a Spectre, Shepard attacked and killed a Krogan mercenary in the Lower Wards. Not that there were many in the galaxy liable to shed a tear over a fallen Krogan, but the entire thing had been caught on tape and there were murmurs about how the Krogan had only accused Morian the salarian merchant of messing something up before Shepard had taken out a blaster and shot him.

According to Anderson, Shepard was saving the license of the free-clinic doctor, Dr. Michel, from a nefarious blackmail scheme that threatened to shut down the clinic and leave thousands of people without access to healthcare. That wall all well and good as far as Udina was concerned, but did Shepard have to kill him on sight? That was surely the start of what could very easily become a reputation for bloodthirstiness. If Shepard had taken two minutes to at least pretend that he was trying to find a nonviolent solution, he may have ended up killing the Krogan anyway, but the PR would have been SO much better. As Khalisah Al-Jilani smugly pointed out as she wrote up her story about the clearly psychotic survivor of Akuze.

That was another thing Udina didn't understand about Shepard: why did everyone he met seem compelled to bring up the fact that he lost his entire unit at Akuze? Yes it was tragic and yes it was impressive, but that one Gunnery Chief of Anderson's, Williams, he believed, lost her entire unit as well. On Eden Prime. No one was harassing her about the details of what happened, so why bother Shepard about it years later? Honestly, the man was just not that interesting.

Two and a half hours after becoming a Spectre, Shepard encountered a couple – well, not really a couple, a recently deceased man's brother and pregnant wife – who were arguing about whether or not the girl should undergo routine gene therapy as she was terrified of the 1 in 300 chance of losing her baby. The pair had been arguing very publically for weeks and had yet to come to a conclusion. Fifteen minutes after Shepard involved himself, they had decided not to get the gene therapy done. Unfortunately, due to the public nature of the argument and the fact that Shepard was quite possibly the most famous human alive, any statements he made, no matter how rash and ill-advised, were sure to hold weight. Consequentially, Udina had already received complaints that hundreds of gene therapy treatments were being cancelled as no one could bear to 'take that risk' anymore.

According to Anderson, Shepard was only looking out for Rebekah and Michael and had given his advice only in light of their particular and uncommon circumstances. He certainly didn't mean to become a blight upon the scientific community and would certainly feel very guilty if he ever considered the ramifications of his actions and/or met anyone his impulsive actions had denied the chance to be cured of a genetic disease. Khalisah Al-Jilani was spreading the news with great relish. He was really starting to hate that woman. Still, as long as Shepard never gave an interview to her, he might be able to keep things under control.

Three hours after Shepard became a Spectre, he was talking an Alliance clerk into surrendering an extremely valuable body that had been killed in a henceforth unseen manner and could have been beneficial to generations to come because the corpse's husband didn't want to wait six months before the cremation. To make matters worse, the woman had been killed on Eden Prime and so they couldn't even really make a fuss over it without reminding the already hesitant investors and potential colonists abut the attacks.

According to Anderson, Shepard was merely respecting Samesh's wishes and having his wife's body cut apart and studied to save other soldiers' lives went against his religious beliefs. When Shepard had confronted the clerk, he successfully intimidated him by shouting about how humans were fighting for the right to gain access to essential research material this very second and to do anything less was inhuman. Naturally, the clerk was terrified and quickly surrendered the body. At least Khalisah Al-Jilani had assured him that this move, though stupid and sentimental, would please the devoutly religious back on Earth. For some reason those on Earth were more inclined to be religious than the branches of humanity that had left. Perhaps given the relatively recent discovery of life forms on other planets, they had yet to try and reconcile their notions of God with their new knowledge. He had no doubt that religion would be back, though. It always was.

Four hours after Shepard became a Spectre, he was caught scanning the _Keepers_, of all things, for a pair of would be white-collar criminals. As a Spectre, C-Sec was powerless to stop him, but they certainly complained about it enough, to both him and the Council. Fortunately, Shepard's promotion was so widely-publicized that they couldn't possibly revoke his Spectre status so soon after granting it without some serious negative PR. But they still gave Udina quite a dressing-down about why he wasn't controlling Shepard better. He was **trying**, but Shepard kept running all over the place and getting himself into public relations nightmares every time he turned around and so the besieged Ambassador just couldn't keep up.

According to Anderson, scanning the Keepers didn't really seem to be bothering them and not only did the Keepers not stop their work when Shepard was scanning them, they didn't really seem to notice. He didn't really have a defense for the whole 'corporate espionage' part of Jahleed and Chorban's plan, except to say that Shepard had no idea that anything illegal – except possibly scanning the Keepers, which was why they weren't doing it personally – was going on. Of course, Udina was of the opinion that had Shepard bothered to ask any probing questions at all, he would have known. He was said to be quite persuasive, after all, if a bit impulsive. Khalisah Al-Jilani was quick to spread word of Shepard's involvement with using the device made out of stolen blueprints. Honestly, how was that woman so on top of everything Shepard did, ever? It was becoming increasingly frustrating.

Four and a half hours after becoming a Spectre, Shepard gave a public endorsement to the Terra Firma party. Aside from it being completely inappropriate for a member of the military – even a Spectre – to be giving out public endorsements, it was even worse that it was for the Terra Firma party. Every year on Armistice Day, Terra Firma supports held a public rally on the Citadel decrying humanity's pro-alien policy and espousing xenophobic tendencies. As a Spectre who was answerable not just to the Alliance but to the Council and was supposed to be a representative of the galaxy as a whole, this was the worst possible thing he could have done. But did Shepard care? Of course not.

According to Anderson, Shepard had spoken with a very level-headed and persuasive spokesperson for Terra Firma, Charles Saracino. Apparently Saracino wasn't exactly a xenophobe, he just held true to his party's founding principle of putting humanity first. Saracino had apparently readily admitted to having xenophobes and fanatics in his party but waved away Shepard's concerns by explaining that every organization had its fringe movements and that even though he disagreed with their views he thought they had a right to express them. Yes, that certainly sat well with an abandoned ex-gang-member from Earth, didn't it? Of course now Udina was left trying to mitigate the effect of Shepard's statement without outright negating it or else Shepard would realize what he was doing and just pledge more support. Khalisah Al-Jilani had dutifully transcribed everything Shepard had said in favor of Terra Firma and the Ambassador was once again wondering if she was stalking the human Spectre.

Five hours after becoming a Spectre, Shepard encountered an Alliance negotiator who was oh so very clearly an addict. He apparently propositioned Shepard to purchase some legal but regulated stimulants because he had exceeded him monthly limit. Khalisah Al-Jilani happened to overhear the entire conversation and made sure to broadcast that Shepard was willing to serve as an enabler to anyone who could come up with some half-assed excuse.

According to Anderson, Elias Keeler had approached Shepard right as he was about to head into Flux – although why he was in there in the first place when he was _supposed_ to be looking for Saren or at least making a good show of it was another matter – and spun him a tale of woe about how the negotiations he had with the salarians were incredibly important and impressed upon him just how much he needed to be at the top of his game. To be fair, the negotiations _were_ of the utmost importance and Keeler really needed to be at his best. Unfortunately, he was so very excitable and jumpy because of the stims from the onset that by the time the negotiations had concluded, he had descended into full-blown paranoia and mood swings. Udina had heard Keeler's assistant, Kent, tried his best to salvage the situation, but as he was only a subordinate, his efforts met with little success. The negotiations were a complete disaster and Khalisah Al-Jilani made sure that **everyone** knew who was to blame.

Five and a half hours after Shepard became a Spectre, he was caught bugging the C-Sec's Traffic Control. He claimed that he had no idea that bugging the Citadel's police force – even if it was only Traffic Control – wasn't allowed and was only trying to keep people safe. As a Spectre, Shepard didn't get in any trouble, but the human C-Sec officers were really feeling the weight of the sudden lack of trust but the rest of the Citadel Species. Did Shepard care that he was setting humanity back instead of advancing it and that he was quickly making the fact he was the first human Spectre not worth it? No. He had already moved on to his next mishap.

According to Anderson, Shepard's bug was from a reporter (not Khalisah Al-Jilani, for once) named Emily Wong. She had evidently relied on Shepard's help in the past to expose corruption involving the late owner of Chora's Den. Udina remembered hearing about her report but didn't really look into it. Wong's editor had apparently decided that one good article gave her free reign to write whatever she wished and she chose as her next big groundbreaking article…traffic safety. Apparently the poor traffic controllers were working too hard. Not exactly the most stimulating of topics as far as Udina was concerned, but at least she seemed genuinely enthusiastic. Sometimes annoyingly so. She had managed to gather enough data to publish her new story despite Shepard's minor legal issues and so no one was really concerned about any long-time repercussions. No one but the C-Sec officers and the long-suffering Udina, that is.

Six hours after Shepard became a Spectre, he was caught bribing a C-Sec officer into allowing a particularly annoying Hanar to stay and preach in the Presidium even though preaching was not allowed their and the Hanar didn't even have a permit to preach in the first place. This followed so closely on the heels of Shepard's _last_ encounter with C-Sec that it was a miracle none of the officers sent to investigate the charges shut him on sight. And how, exactly, did C-Sec find out about the bribery? It actually wasn't because Shepard didn't bother paying attention to his surroundings and failed to notice another C-Sec officer. It was because he didn't bother paying attention to his surroundings and failed to notice **Khalisah Al-Jilani**. One would think that after all the trouble that girl had gotten him into earlier that day that Shepard would learn to watch out for her, but no. Shepard had evidently not heard anything of the mess he had so gleefully created and was very irritable whenever Udina attempted to bring his attention to it. He probably didn't even know who Khalisah Al-Jilani was.

According to Anderson, Shepard had been walking along, minding his own business (not bloody likely) and had been detained by a loud argument between a Hanar and an easily-corruptible C-Sec officer. Fortunately, the officer was a turian so Udina wouldn't be feeling the heat for another Harkin. Shepard had only wanted to help, but the Hanar did not have the 150 credits necessary to purchase a license and so Shepard, in an effort to 'respect the Hanar's right to spread the truth of the Enkindlers wherever he felt the call to', bribed the official. Udina could almost understand that. However, the license cost 150 credits and the bribe was 500, so why couldn't Shepard have just purchased a bloody permit in the Hanar's stead?

Six and a half hours after Shepard became a Spectre, he was thrown unceremoniously out of Flux for helping a salarian scientist finish testing his cheating-machine. As Shepard got the information he needed for the salarian to perfect the device before he was caught, the proprietor of the establishment, Doran, was enraged and threatened to start charging humans to enter the nightclub. As Flux was the watered-down version of Chora's Den, a lot of the tamer crowd preferred it and would put massive amounts of pressure on Udina should he fail to talk Doran down. Which took several weeks worth of negotiations and was a regular PR nightmare, but Doran did eventually lower the price.

According to Anderson, Schells wasn't actually intending to cheat. He just built a device that allowed others to cheat by increasing their odds of winning and planned to mass produce and market it. Shepard was only helping because he had the hardest time saying no to people. Not really Anderson's most convincing argument, Udina reflected. Still, he had noticed that particular trait of Shepard's and felt that the should really work on that if he was going to be in a position to help anyone who asked him for help regardless of their motivations or what they wanted. He'd heard a rumor that Shepard had been approached by a Crime Lord to kill her two rivals and knowing Shepard, the sap would go right out and do it. Khalisah Al-Jilani, who was really more of a Chora's Den person herself, made sure that everyone knew who was responsible for the temporarily increased rates and made sure to exaggerate his connection to Udina. Really, he hadn't picked Shepard, that was all Anderson's doing and since Udina wasn't in the military, he had no idea about Shepard's…special issues or knew of any other potential candidates for Spectrehood. The things he did for humanity.

Seven hours after Shepard became a Spectre, he blew up the Emporium in the Financial District, injured several customers and the owner, and destroyed virtually of the merchandise. As a Spectre, Shepard continued to be untouched by all the chaos he caused. The Emporium owner had clearly heard of Shepard, though, and was prepared. Instead of suing Shepard, he chose to press charges against Williams and Alenko, both members of the Alliance Military and Shepard's companions at the time of the explosion. Udina managed to settle the issue out of court, but it had been very costly. He might not be able to afford redecorate his office at this rate. And who had decided to make sure the entire Citadel heard the tale? Khalisah Al-Jilani.

According to Anderson, Shepard – while he was scamming credits out of Doran using Schells's device – had discovered a 'suspicious' gambling device and had found out that credits were being funneled somewhere else. He had followed the signal to two or three places before finally locating an honest-to-God AI in the back of the Emporium. Apparently the people who worked there were not very observant as they failed to notice not only the presence of the AI but Shepard and his two bumbling companions sneaking back there. The three of them, from what Udina could tell, were many things but subtle was not one of them. Once there, Shepard had tried to reason with the AI, but his companions talked him out of it once the AI started ranting about buying himself a ship and flying off to go find the geth. One would think mentioning this danger would be enough to garner some sympathy or at least make Shepard's actions more understandable, but no. No one REALLY believed in the Geth anymore or saw them as a legitimate threat, even though they all knew they were lurking just behind the Veil.

Seven and a half hours after Shepard became a Spectre, he caused a grown man to have a nervous breakdown. The man had apparently been pestering Shepard all day, begging for autographs, photos, and the like. Various witnesses testified that the man was incredibly annoying and they were impressed that Shepard managed not to snap for as long as he did. Then again, most of the witnesses happened to be mercenaries, but it was possible that Shepard hadn't flown off the handle for absolutely no reason. Certainly no _good_ reason, but Udina hadn't really expected one. He had expected Khalisah Al-Jilani to take the story of Shepard's supposed brutality and run with it but he was still somewhat irked when a picture of the man rocking back and forth on the ground, sobbing, while Shepard stood over him, arms crossed, looking extraordinarily unsympathetic.

According to Anderson, the man's name was Conrad Verner and he was mildly obsessed with Shepard. At least at the beginning of the day. As the hours wore on and Shepard proved to be accommodating to a fault, Verner's little infatuation grew more and more extreme. Fifteen minutes prior to the photo being taken, Verner had approached Shepard with the idea of him becoming a Spectre just like Shepard. Now, while Udina was grateful beyond words that Shepard had put a stop to having a double running around and causing him no small amount of stress, he really wished Shepard had chosen another method. After all, he really could have tried harder to persuade him not to abandon his wife and children instead of ranting about Akuze – would no one shut up about Akuze? It was years ago, life happens – and how unqualified Verner really was. Unfortunately, Shepard might have been a bit too passionate about Verner's lack of abilities and accidentally convinced the poor man he was worthless. And now Udina was forced to foot Verner's therapy bills just to save face. Bloody reporters.

Eight hours after Shepard became a Spectre, he was about to leave – finally! – and Udina honestly didn't think Shepard could possibly do any more damage to the Alliance's reputation. But Shepard just had to prove him wrong. It wasn't his fault, exactly, and Udina was already well-aware of Shepard's inability to say no to people. He might've known that reporter would try something like that. Khalisah Al-Jilani cornered him literally right before he got onto the elevator taking him to the Normandy. She conducted a lengthy interview and then proceeded to air all of it. Shepard came off…well, at least the interview was only half an hour.

According to Anderson, Shepard was being goaded, which he was, and Khalisah Al-Jilani was trying to make him look like an idiot, which she was, but it really wasn't that difficult. Admiral Hackett, who'd heard the interview, quickly gave his support in forcing Anderson's retirement. After all, he was the one who was convinced nominating Shepard for Spectre status was a good idea. Udina honestly didn't understand how someone could be so politically obtuse. Shepard had to have known that other species were going to hear the interview. He had to have known that he was representing humanity to the rest of the galaxy and representing the rest of the galaxy in general and yet his answers…he preached on and on about the importance of keeping human interests first, sounding much like the Terra Firma party he'd supported earlier. He'd also leaked some top-secret information about the nature of his first Spectre Assignment that was sure to put Saren on his guard. Hell, Shepard had actually **told Khalisah Al-Jilani where he was heading**. See if it would be so easy for Shepard to find anything on Noveria, Feros, or the Artemis Tau Cluster now.

Shepard's first day as a Spectre was nearly a year ago now and Shepard had only now gotten around to searching for Saren. Naturally, he had gotten a bit sidetracked exploring every planet he could see and running errands for Hackett left and right. While Udina agreed that SOMEONE needed to do all of the suicidal tasks the Alliance needed done and Shepard was really the most proficient single-combatant they had – not to mention the virtual impunity from every law in existence – he still would have preferred Shepard finished this whole Saren thing up first. He'd already blown up Alenko and shot that Krogan he was travelling with. The man was a menace.

That, and not any bitterness for the paperwork he was still filling out about Shepard's last visit to the Citadel, was why he was ordering Shepard to be grounded immediately upon landing. The citizens of the Citadel were on their guard around him now and Shepard was no doubt still spouting cryptic warnings and conspiracy theories and he was a politician. It was his job to keep nut jobs like that _out_ of the public eye.

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